Your finest jokes!

[Broccers]

So, I'm sat on a plane on the way back from Ibiza and I have the worst joke teller ever in front of us peering round and popping over her seat with these howlers.

'What do you call a bloke with no shins?'

Dunno

'Tony'

So I'm thinkin I need to hear better ..can you lot help?

[damien]

So, I'm sat on a plane on the way back from Ibiza and I have the worst joke teller ever in front of us peering round and popping over her seat with these howlers.

'What do you call a bloke with no shins?'

Dunno

'Tony'

So I'm thinkin I need to hear better ..can you lot help?

Erm thats lost me mate,feeling a little thick now!! lol

[Shunt]

Me too.

[chopper]

Lost me too...

Polar bear walks in to a bar...

Polar bear
"I'll have a pint of lager, half a cider and erm............................................a diet coke"

Barman
"why the big pause?"

Polar bear
"they've always been this big"

[Broccers]

Took me a day.

Toe-knee

[chopper]

oh dear!!!!

[Broccers]

oh dear!!!!

Thats what I said. You weren't subjected to 2 hours of this either. I drank enough bloody marys to numb the pain.

Largest joke in San antonio was 9 euros for a half of lager.

[Shunt]

A passenger boards his plane and is promptly shown to his seat, where
he is given a drink and some snacks.

As he settles down for the flight, he hears this voice saying to him,
"Man, you're looking GOOD today!" Startled, but not displeased the man
looks around to see who said it - however, the seats beside him are
empty and the stewardess was nowhere to be seen - so thinking it was
meant for somebody else, he settles back down and starts reading the
in-flight magazine.

A few minutes later, he hears the voice again, "Wow, did anyone ever
tell you you could pass for a movie star!" The man is again surprised,
and looks round again, but cannot see anybody who would have said it,
so settles back into reading his magazine, muttering to himself "Must
be somebody else."

"No, I mean you handsome," the voice says to him. Now the man is
worried, and calls the stewardess over.

"I'm sorry Miss," he explains, "But I need a stiff drink - I keep
hearing this voice telling me how good I look."

"Ah," she says, "that'll be the complimentary peanuts."

[chopper]

And I thought my polar bear gag was bad...lol!!

Hear about the guy that drowned in a bowl of muesli?




Got pulled under by a strong currant

[jke11y]

I have posted this here before, but it makes me laugh, still!! A rambler approaches a thick wood and is about to wander into the dense undergrowth when a 9 foot tall bear appears, they look deep into each others eyes,both terrified,until the bear breaks the tension and says: "I'd give it ten minutes if I were you, mate"
If I need to explain this, you are all asleep, but the no shins "joke" actually flew over my head as well!!!
JKE11Y

[JonD]

A woman goes into her Doctors complaining of tummy pains.
The Doctor takes some samples and asks the lady to come back in a few days.

The lady returns to the doctors and asks what is wrong, the doctor replies,

"You any good at changing nappies?"

"Oh my god" the woman says, "Am I pregnant?"

"No!" The doctor replies, "You have bowel cancer!"

[Broccers]

[chopper]

That's awful!!

[paulm3]

http://www.flubay.co.uk

[ever88]

a man stops to as a local farmer what time is it

he walks to his prize bull, lifts its bollocks and then says 2.30pm

driver says thats amazing, just how can you tell?

farmer lifts the bull's bollocks agains and explains

look! you can see the town clock from here now